At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
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