lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
