Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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