using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
