When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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