Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
