I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
