so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
