if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize