You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize