Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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