I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
