I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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