is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
