do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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