mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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