oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
