That's intense
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
