Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
