Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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