They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize