I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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