just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
