So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
