i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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