$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
