I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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