We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Less talking, more tequila
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
