WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
