I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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