South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
