just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
