Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I supernannyed him into submission
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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