So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
