Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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