I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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