need another drink. this is the easiest way
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
