you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
It was confusing and full of hummus
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
