Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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