i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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