So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
being pregnant is like rehab
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
