Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
