Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i was born a porn star she said
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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