I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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