I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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