so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I know her cup size but not her name....
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize