hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
