I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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