You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
