so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
