Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
