Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
