A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
She bit a glass in half.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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