that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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