WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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