i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
