connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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