SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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