Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
