I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
