Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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