and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
