I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
