can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
