whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
