its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
