we have officially lost it.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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