he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
