stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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