There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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