In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I love having hate sex.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize