apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
