I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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