So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
It was confusing and full of hummus
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
