id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
