u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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