Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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