just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
