I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
