Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
