Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize