I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Let's paint friendship bongs
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
