i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
