should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
