It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize