Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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