Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I pour the whiskey from now on
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
