Don't make out with my wife yet
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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