he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Pants are for mortals
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
