During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
That's when you crack a 10am beer
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
the liver wants what the liver wants
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
