I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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