i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
