we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
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