Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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