the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
